Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
