I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
