Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize