I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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