somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius