Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.