driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
