Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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