Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?