Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

This is evicking siegelnvs

(443): View more from Maryland

Im sorry?

(410): View more from Maryland

This is fucking ridiculous*

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(410): This is evicking siegelnvs (443): Im sorry? (410): This is fucking ridiculous* http://tfl.nu/9l7k

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(319): View more from Iowa

he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.

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(319): he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit. http://tfl.nu/9uu5

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(916): View more from California

How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.

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(916): How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology. http://tfl.nu/cnij

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(540): View more from Virginia

Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

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(540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

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(404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1

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(678): View more from Georgia

Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.

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(678): Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid. http://tfl.nu/c97u

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.

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(717): Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester. http://tfl.nu/ljr5

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.

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(201): Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys. http://tfl.nu/w09r

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(510): View more from California

It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.

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(510): It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello. http://tfl.nu/um1l

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(512): View more from Texas

Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

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(512): Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus http://tfl.nu/cvrn

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.

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(780): i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch. http://tfl.nu/33ox

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(907): View more from Alaska

Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.

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(907): Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me. http://tfl.nu/90ns

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(310): View more from California

Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself

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(310): Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself http://tfl.nu/zndp

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(775): View more from Nevada

Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot

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(775): Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot http://tfl.nu/cjjt

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(248): View more from Michigan

Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.

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(248): Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed. http://tfl.nu/r0u0

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