The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!