He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
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