If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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