I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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