You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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