Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

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(201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer http://tfl.nu/68pg

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(816): View more from Missouri

I miss Bob Barker.

(808): View more from Hawaii

Yeah, more like Douche Carey...

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(816): I miss Bob Barker. (808): Yeah, more like Douche Carey... http://tfl.nu/37q6

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(209): View more from California

I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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(209): I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car. http://tfl.nu/v5pu

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(302): View more from Delaware

dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

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(302): dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit http://tfl.nu/61qr

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(703): View more from Virginia

I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.

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(703): I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk. http://tfl.nu/xfwn

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(815): View more from Illinois

just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling

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(815): just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling http://tfl.nu/a8k8

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(801): View more from Utah

Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

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(801): Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess. http://tfl.nu/8hwd

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(443): View more from Maryland

i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country

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(443): i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country http://tfl.nu/m3r6

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(479): View more from Arkansas

If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.

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(479): If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/qsaq

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life

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(412): My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life http://tfl.nu/dsvt

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(408): View more from California

I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.

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(408): I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate. http://tfl.nu/p4ru

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.

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(570): I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight. http://tfl.nu/86fz

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(801): View more from Utah

Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??

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(801): Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think?? http://tfl.nu/0ul5

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(218): View more from Minnesota

His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.

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(218): His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely. http://tfl.nu/zmgf

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(518): View more from New York

If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.

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(518): If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd. http://tfl.nu/04nl

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