We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
