U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
