people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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