Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
worst night to have a conscience
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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