Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
