Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?