You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.