So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday