Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."