low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sarcasm needs its own font
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to