i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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