I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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