I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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