he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
