im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
