I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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