i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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