Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
