Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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