All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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