Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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