we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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