hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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