.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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