remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
