He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
