Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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