Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
