I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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