the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
