i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
