I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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