running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes