I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.