Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............