lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today