she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.