A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
