I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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