my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
