So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
