how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
