I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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