i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
