Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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